Category: News

Showing mercy to…the bully? [Southwest Booster, Darryl Mills, 31/3/2015]

One striking message that came through loud and clear during the Beyond the Hurt presentations made by Saskatchewan Roughriders Neal Hughes and Dan Clark during their visits to northern SK schools was their message about the bully.

It is a label and a hurtful one.

“We don’t want to label anyone,” Hughes told the students at Stony Rapids.

“We don’t want to label people a bully. They are showing bullying behavior, but that can change.”

Richard Kies with the Red Cross noted the focus on showing respect and understanding for the bully and their situation has grown as the program has evolved over the years.

“A lot of bullies have been bullied themselves,” Kies said. “There is a lot of labeling of bullies and we try to avoid the labels.”

Hughes himself is a walking testament to the potential that someone bullying can change their behaviour. He readily admits he was a bully at times as a kid, as well as being bullied for a period.

“I’ve been a target, I have done some bullying and I have been that person who just stood by,” Hughes said after the presentations were over.

Now he is a two-time Grey Cup champion with his hometown CFL football team who got a teaching degree at the University of Regina in 2007,

“It was a great year for me. I had a daughter, got a degree, won a Grey Cup and proposed to my wife.”

He said being a part of the program is important, in both giving back to communities that support the Riders, but also making a difference in kids’ lives.

“Bullying will always be there, but this is helping give kids the tools I didn’t have when I was younger. This helps change the culture around bullying.

For Clark, the 300-pound+ lineman who GETS PAID TO pound people into dust on the football field, his experience with bullying was being the victim, as he shared with disbelieving students.

“From Grades 4 to 8 I was bullied really bad because I was always the bigger kid,” Clark said.He said while his dad always encouraged him to fight back with his fists, his mom suggested the softer touch, which he chose.

“It wasn’t until I went to high school and started playing football that I learned there wasn’t something wrong with me, but with the person bullying me.”

For Clark, the highlight of the trip was “seeing all the smiles, and how different it is up here.”

“We’re all people. We may come from different cultures, different religions, different backgrounds, but we all need to be open-minded to each other,” he said. “Everyone deals with bullying.”

Both players offered praise to the Red Cross for their work on the program and to Cameco for teaming up to help bring them up north.

 

No More Bullying: When victims turn into bullies, answers may seem unclear; seek help [Northern Kentucky Tribune, Melissa Martin, 30|3|2015]

Do some kids who are victims of bullying start bullying others? Yes. The term is bully-victim (someone who bullies and is bullied).

“When we fail to teach kids about bullying, fail to intervene when necessary, fail to recognize a child in pain, we leave children being bullied with few options,” writes MaryAnn Byrne, a certified Olweus Bullying Prevention trainer. “Some children will muddle through and grow up with a variety of issues including anxiety, depression, social phobia and so on. Some children turn on themselves. They become self-injurious, suicidal, substance abusers, drop out of school, society and sometimes life. Others become bullies.”

Clayton Cook and colleagues from the University of California examined 153 studies from the last 30 years on the kids who bully, kids who are the victims, and kids who are both the bully and the victim and reported results in the School Psychology Quarterly.

Results found the bully-victim have things in common: poor social skills, lack problem-solving skills, have problems with academics, are rejected and isolated by peers, and give in to negative peer pressure.

Bully-victims experience more intense behavioral and emotional problems than kids who are either the bully or the victims reports Marini and colleagues in the journal Aggressive Behavior. These kids have victim symptoms of anxiety, depression, peer rejection and bully symptoms of aggression and breaking rules.

The National Association of School Psychologists discussed both unique and common characteristics of the bully, the victim, and the bully-victim.

Characteristics of Bullies

Children who bully tend to have a more positive attitude about violent behaviors and watch television programs where violence is endorsed as a way of gaining power.

Characteristics of Victims of Bullying

Children who are bullied usually have poorly developed social skills and difficulty with peer relationships, have few friends and may be socially isolated at school, are unassertive, are insecure and have poor self-esteem.

Characteristics of Bully–Victims

These children usually are anxious, insecure, have difficulty concentrating, have difficulty reading social cues, may be hyperactive, and behave aggressively.

Peskin and colleagues report that kids may be victims at home and bullies at school or a child may be a victim through childhood and become a bully during adolescence. Bullying is about power and control over others. Powerless kids may use aggression to take control.

Resources

Stop bullying now.

The Substance Abuse and MENTAL HEALTH Services Administration developed KnowBullying, a free smart phone app that provides adults with information and communication support to talk about bullying and build resilience in children.

Parents need to be aware that not all children who are bullied show warning signs.

Some children who go from victim to bully continue to represent themselves as victims to their parents and school staff. Parents and school counselors need to talk to kids about the bully-victim dyad issue. School bullying prevention and intervention programs need to address issues concerning bully-victims. Youth need to know that help is available.

Talk with the school principal and teachers if your child is the victim, the bully, or the bully-victim. Ask for a copy of the school policy and document the bullying incidents. Peruse your state department of education website for bullying laws and policies for school districts. Talk with other parents. Do not give up until the bullying stops.

If you believe your child is a victim, bully, or bully-victim seek help from the school counselor, school psychologist, and a child therapist. Ask your pediatrician for a referral to a child psychiatrist if needed.

Sexting: Young girls and boys bullied for explicit sex videos. [Telegraph.co.uk, David Barrett, 30|3|2015].

Increasing numbers of children are being bullied into taking explicit sexual pictures of themselves online, an expert has warned.

More and more young girls and boys are becoming victims of “sextortion” cases in which they are lured into sharing naked photographs and then blackmailed into producing ever-more explicit material.

The children are told if they do not co-operate their sexual images will be distributed to friends and to their parents – luring the frightened youngsters to produce highly sexual photographs and videos.

Bob Lotter, the creator of online safety tool My Mobile Watchdog, said his company is dealing with growing numbers of sextortion cases, while other types of sexting have become an “epidemic” among young people.

“We have seen children involved in revenge porn and sextortion, and this is on the increase,” said Mr Lotter.

Children are vulnerable to online sexual extortion from other youngsters as well as adult predators

“It is remarkable that these concepts even enter the minds of such young children.

“We have dealt with a case which involved children as young as 12, although 14-year-olds are the most exploited age group.

“In general, sexting is reaching epidemic proportions.”

Earlier this month a report described a “disturbing trend” of children as young as seven appearing naked in pornography they had shared online.

Mr Lotter said: “It is very easy to draw an unsuspecting child into becoming a victim of sextortion.

“They get a message from someone they don’t know who sends them a picture, perhaps pretending to be a member of the opposite sex.

• ‘Sexting’ is new courtship’, parents are told

“Then they send a naked picture and ask the victim to send them one back, and before they know it the child is being extorted for more photographs.”

Mr Lotter’s online tool allows parents to control and monitor their children’s online activities, particularly by alerting them when the youngster is contacted by strangers.

“The very first time a stranger texts, calls or sends and email the parents get a real-time alert,” said Mr Lotter.

“They can then sit down with their child and find out what is going on.

“Children are generally very good at hiding their online activities from their parents, so our product allows adults to create a safe environment.”

Images shared online are impossible to control

Posting “revenge porn” has now become a specific criminal offence in England and Wales.

Chris Grayling, the Justice Secretary, made the changes under the Criminal Justice and Courts Act, with offenders facing up to two years’ imprisonment.

Leitrim has lowest percentage of cyber bullying cases witnessed by students. [ Leitrim Observer, 31/3/2015 ].

The website, used by both secondary school students and teachers discovered that just 11 percent of students surveyed in County Leitrim secondary schools have encountered at least one case of bullying across social media in their school. This is in comparison to the national average of 24 percent who said the same, The highest rate of cyber bullying was found in counties Kildare, Wicklow and Meath who recorded a worryingly high rate of 38 percent.

The study also found that 80 percent of students nationwide were in favour of a positive outcome in the upcoming same sex referendum. 43 percent feel Irish should remain a compulsory subject.

Live Blog Tackles Cyberbullying [Department of Education & Training, 10/2/2015]

As part of Safer Internet Day, Bully Stoppers expert and clinical psychologist Andrew Fuller answered questions from Victorian school students and parents on an online blog on the Herald Sun’s website.

Over two hours Mr Fuller took questions from dozens of young people and adults about cyberbullying and staying safe online, including tips for parents about how to respond if their child is being cyberbullied.

Some of Mr Fuller’s advice for students included:

Q: If we see online bullying what tips could you give us to help?

A: Generally it is best not to respond. Instead talk to an adult, save and store the content. You could block or delete the bully from your contact list. Use the report abuse button on social network sites and talk about this in class and get ideas about appropriate use of social media as a group. The Bully Stoppers website has heaps of tips.

Q: How can we make our Facebook, Twitter and Instagram profiles safer?

A: Check the privacy settings for all of your social media sites – makes sure people can’t track your location, school and determine who should be able to view your postings. Look at the help centre on facebook.com.

Q: Sometimes when I’m playing a multiplayer game, some people I’m playing with gang up on me and swear at me. How can I not let it affect me? I don’t want to talk to mum, because she might stop me from using the internet.

A: Players say all sorts of things to one another on a multiplayer game that they don’t mean. Try not to take it personally but you find it is affecting you, you might have to either change the game you play or the group you play with. Mr Fuller also had advice for concerned parents.

Q: I’ve tried to tell my children when this kind of thing (cyberbullying) happens to just take a two day break from social media, because it won’t be the end of the world. But they seem to take this like I’m punishing them for them being bullied. Is this the wrong message? What should I tell them to do instead?

A: Generally parents shouldn’t threaten or ban use of technology as it often makes them reluctant to seek help in the future. It is usually better to use this as an opportunity to work through hurt feelings and develop strategies for the future. It’s useful to help children learn not to respond to abusive messages. The number one rule for dealing with cyberbullying is don’t respond, don’t interact and don’t engage.

Q: I suspect my son may be being cyber bullied – because when he comes out of the computer room for dinner he seems quite down and bit depressed. How should i approach this subject with him without making it look like I’m prying into his personal life?

A: This is always tricky to judge. People can appear a bit flat and exhausted after playing computer games for a time. The best first thing to do is to share your observations with him and ask if he is ok. Do this each time he appears flat or depressed. If you don’t feel convinced about the answers you get, you might want to check how he seems at school by asking the school welfare staff.

Q: My eight year old daughter is asking to have an Instagram account because all her friends have one. I think that she is too young. What do I need to put in place to keep her safe from online predators?

A: I agree with you – too young! Many social networking sites have age restrictions. You don’t pick and choose which laws you obey in the real world so you shouldn’t do it online.

The Bully Stoppers website is full of information and advice for students, parents and schools on cyberbullying and cybersafety – including advice from Mr Fuller. The full transcript of Mr Fuller’s live blog will be available on the Bully Stoppers website shortly.

UK: New research into childhood cyberbullying [IDG Connect, by Kathryn Cave, 10/2/2015]

“It’s Crump!”

Before Christmas I took part in an online interactive theatre experience where audience members had to select an individual for interrogation based only their name, date of birth, gender and photo. It was an odd and vaguely disturbing experience because everyone rounded on one individual – “Crump!” – for no apparent reason…. and ripped him to shreds in the online forum. When I contacted the theatre they told me the audience behaved like this in every performance throughout the run.

Now Action For Children has released some similar results about childhood cyberbullying. As the press release states: “One in seven children admit to bullying online”.

In order to get a deeper understanding of what was really happening I contacted the organisation to get a copy of the full findings:

The whole sample is fairly small, only 2,000, and it spans children between eight and 17, with more respondents aged 10, 11 and 12 (40% of the total sample) than other age groups. The findings also suggest that this group is most prone to bullying others with 24% of 12 year-olds surveyed admitting they had done so.

The trouble is you can’t help wondering what children mean by “bullying”, whether this meaning changes with age – and how honest they’re being. “Mum, he’s bullying me!” a child might say laughing about his older brother… while he may well say nothing at all if he’s being spat at in the playground.

This means from the perpetrators an admission of “bullying” could presumably span from anything between a fairly friendly laugh about someone’s expression in a Facebook snap right though to haranguing someone into suicide on some anonymous forum. Maybe an eight year-old would admit to the former while a 17 year-old would not admit the latter?

One of the more interesting findings within the report is that 49% of those surveyed have never spoken to anyone about “something that has concerned you/made you feel uncomfortable online” (28% marked it not applicable).

When questioned further this was because 46% were “not worried enough” to tell anyone, 17% were “worried they’d get into trouble”, 20% were scared of what the “bully would do” and the remaining 23% listed “other reasons” which were unfortunately not recorded.

These responses open up a lot of questions of their own and appear to suggest that while online “bullying” is a relatively widespread problem there is a pretty broad spectrum of its impact. This pretty much matches offline bullying, which is inevitably rife in schools, but mostly does not lead to lasting damage.

Any pack mentality is not usually intended maliciously by the majority. And the biggest reasons for “bullying” others presented in this survey were “to prevent myself being bullied” (43%), “to fit in with a certain social group” (59%, rising to 62% amongst girls) and “peer pressure” (28%), which are all ultimately different sides of the same coin.

Overall, I think this study is a great start but it does show more detailed research is needed on what is really going on online: what form is this “bullying” taking, how frequent is it and how does it differ by age? It is useful that this gets people talking… but I think it presents more questions than it provides answers.

60 per cent of youths admit to cyberbullying others, survey shows [djs research, 10/2/2015]

According to a recent survey by Action for Children, approximately 60 per cent of young people admitted to bullying others online, in order to fit in with the crowd.

The survey questioned 2,000 children aged 8 to 17 and found that 2 in 5 (40 per cent), were actively trying to avoid falling victim to online abuse.

The findings of the survey also highlighted that half of the children who responded admitted to not reporting disturbing content, which they’d come across on the internet.  This may be something they’ve read, or a picture they’ve viewed, which made them feel uncomfortable.

1 in 5 (20%) of children claimed that they had not reported content which made them feel uncomfortable, out of fear that a bully may harm them as a result.

1 in 7 claimed they feared that if they spoke out about inappropriate online behaviour or content, they would get into trouble.

However, some children had chosen to consult an adult about what they had seen in the past.  Of the children who claimed to have spoken out at some point, 65 per cent talked to their parents.

One of Action for Children’s aims is to educate parents about how to protect their children online. The charity suggests that parents should set rules before their children sign up for a social media account, and that they should also ensure that the child’s profile is set to private.  They also suggest that parents should check the age requirements of the site beforehand.

Action for Children also urges parents to have a discussion with their children, about the dangers they should be aware of when they are online.  Children should be warned to not share personal information with anybody, and to not speak to strangers online.

Should anything happen, whilst on the internet, which makes a child feel uncomfortable, Action for Children insists that the child should know that they can approach a parent for help.

Head of Child Protection at Action for Children, Deanna Neilson said of the findings: “Online bullying is so prevalent, but we must not lose sight of the fact that many of these children bully others because of something going wrong in their own lives, or being driven to it through fear of being bullied or socially shunned themselves.  Low self-esteem, stress at school or being victimised themselves by peers or adults, are all reasons a child might act out on others.

“It’s important for parents to ask children about the day they’ve had online, just as they ask about the day they’ve had at school – whether your child is being bullied or bullying others, the problem, and any potentially more severe issues surrounding it, must be addressed.”

 

Here’s why schools should put sexting on the curriculum [The Telegraph, by Allison Pearson, 11/2/2015]

After Christmas, I was using up some leftovers while the Daughter and her friends sat round the kitchen table having one of their marathon toast-fests and sharing stories of their new lives at uni. Sophie said that, at a party, a guy had walked up to her and said: “Hello, gorgeous, I’ve got a huge —. Fancy a —-?”

The other girls fell about, but the laughter sounded obligatory rather than joyful. “You don’t have to put up with that, Sophie, darling,” I found myself saying. “It’s so disrespectful. I hope you told him where to go?”

“Relax, mum,” said my daughter. She wore that stricken, pleading look which means “Oh, God, she’s not going to go off on one of her ‘Suffragettes didn’t go on hunger strike so you could post a picture of your boobs on Snapchat’ lectures, is she?”

The girls started talking about a mutual friend, only 17. Olivia’s charismatic boyfriend was a nightmare, both aggressive and controlling. Olivia kept trying to break free, but each time X reeled her back in. “I think Liv’s scared of him, but she doesn’t want to be by herself,” said Samira. The girls murmured in sympathy. For them, there was only one thing more horrifying than an abusive relationship: being single.

Later, after they’d gone, I told my daughter I was worried about Sophie. Had she really had sex with that tosser who came up to her at a party? “You just don’t get it, mum,” sighed the Daughter. “Sophie’s not really that kind of girl. It’s just if you don’t have sex, you’re a loser. Everyone does it ’cos boys expect you to. Every girl I know’s had some bad experience where it’s got kind of abusive.”

“Even you?’ I said.

“Even me,” she said.

If I was shocked to hear that conversation between lovely, bright young women, I shouldn’t have been. A new study into adolescent relationships has found that hundreds of thousands of teenage girls, some as young as 13, have been coerced into sex or sexual activity by a boyfriend. England came out far worse than other European countries, with two in five girls aged between 13 and 17 suffering sexual coercion of some sort, including rape.

’Twas ever thus, some will shrug. Boy tries to get into Girl’s knickers is as old as heavy petting in the Garden of Eden. The difference now, as pointed out by the University of Bristol’s School for Policy Studies, is the scale of coercion and the number of teenage girls sending and receiving sexual images and texts.

Almost half of 13- to 17-year-olds have “sexted”. Researchers were surprised to discover that many girls said exchanging of explicit images with boys was a “highly positive experience”, adding to the fun of flirting. However, almost all the girls said that the experience turned negative if the boy shared the image with friends, making them feel humiliated.

It made me think of two shamefaced teenage girls I saw on TV the other night. They confessed that they became different characters on social media. You could be a bully, you could be lewd and crude, you could be whoever you wanted to be.

“In space, no one can hear you scream” goes the great line from Alien. Kids seem to believe the same applies to social media. They are seriously mistaken. Teenage courtship rituals, essentially unchanged for decades, have been discarded as our children are handed explosive new toys, which even fully-grown Members of Parliament are too immature to handle.

Boys are literally getting the message that girls are permanently up for it when the truth is girls may just feel under huge social pressure to display their wares without necessarily being ready to hand over the goods. And all this happens without any meaningful human contact.

What a pity the Bristol study didn’t include the experience of boys. “You’d be amazed what girls will do, mum,” my 15-year-old son said to me recently. I feel so sorry for him and his generation. Social media is a lawless Wild West without a sheriff. There is no map to help hormonal youngsters navigate a safe path. If boys end up with a warped view of female sexuality, it’s hardly surprising: if all girls feel obliged to flash their tits to attract a mate, it’s not the sexual freedom their grandmothers wished for. It’s just a more open prison.

Such is the confusion out there they have actually invented something called a “consensual-sex app”, which kids can use to ask their partner’s permission to have sex. Good2Go “allows the sex-initiator to forego outdated modes of courting, like foreplay, or talking to your partner”. Instead, they can hand you their phone and get you to answer a series of questions, including whether you are “Sober”, “Mildly Intoxicated but Good2Go” or “Pretty Wasted”. If you’re Pretty Wasted, the phone will instruct you not to have sex.

Who says romance is dead, St Valentine? Imagine what the Bard would have made of this new intimacy: “Let us not to the marriage of two true sex initiators admit impediment. Love is not love which makes a move when Sex Initiator 1 is pretty wasted.”

Schools should urgently put a new subject on the curriculum: Sex, Self-Respect and Social Media. Young people need to be taught that the same standards apply to your character in the real and the online world.

Finally, to girls and boys aged 13 to 17, a word of advice from your Auntie Allison. Before you press Send, ask yourself one small question: “Would I like my mum and dad to see this photo of me?”

No sexts please, we’re British.

Police warn Welsh pupils over ‘sexting’ [BBC News Wales, 10/2/2015]

The NSPCC is trying to spread the safety message to parents and children

Police are visiting every school in Wales to warn pupils of the dangers of “sexting”.

As well as cutting down on cyberbullying, there are fears young people do not know they could be breaking the law by sending sexual images.

It comes as Safer Internet Day is highlighting online safety.

A new survey found 30% of 11-16-year-olds experienced unkind online behaviour in the last year.

And 75% of youngsters blocked someone.

The ResearchBods study also looked at how much time young people were spending online, with 55% saying they interacted with their closest friends several times an hour.

Police have started warning teenagers of the legal aspects of what they text – and aim to have visited all schools by the end of the year with the “Think Before You Click” message.

PC Richard Norris has been bringing the message to this school in Swansea

One of those going into schools is PC Richard Norris, of South Wales Police.

He said sharing explicit material can be an offence in itself, even if you are not the originator.

“One click can have a massive impact,” he said.

“The knock on effect it has with jobs, career, the embarrassment or even to the extent of someone hurting themselves over it. We want to reduce and stop this.”

The NSPCC has a Share Aware campaign aimed at parents of eight to 12 year olds.

The children’s charity says its own survey in 2013 found 40% of teenagers had created a sexual image or video.

Meanwhile, pupils, teachers and parents are meeting politicians at the Senedd to push for online safety to be taught in schools.

The Welsh government has also organised e-safety awareness raising activities in schools across Wales

First Minister Carwyn Jones said: “While we actively encourage young people to embrace the internet’s huge potential, it’s vitally important they are equipped with the skills and knowledge needed to do it safely and responsibly.”

Prof Shaheen Shariff says children involved in sexting are getting ‘younger and younger’

Author of Sexting and Cyberbullying – Defining the Line for Digitally Empowered Kids

“The research we did recently, which is in my book, found that kids aged 9-12 and then 13-17 don’t quite understand where they cross the line from jokes and flirty fun when sexting or distributing intimate images to where they are actually breaking the law.

“It’s everybody’s responsibility. If it involves classmates there’s an obligation to the school but it’s important that parents are involved.

“We need to start looking at the bigger picture and to look at rape culture, to look more deeply at the roots of cyber bullying and sexting.

“Research has always focused on children’s behaviour online but we need to look at the systemic forms of misogyny, homophobia and discrimination – these are the forms that sexting and cyberbullying are rooted in and adults are the worst models of this.

“Until we address what adults are doing we really can’t blame the kids for copying us.”

Sexting ‘starting younger’ warns Prof Shaheen Shariff [BBC News Wales, 10/2/2015]

Sexting is the new form of “flirty fun” and children are starting younger and younger, warns a leading researcher in the field.

It comes as events are being held across Wales to promote Safer Internet Day.

Prof Shaheen Shariff, of McGill University in Montreal, is author of Sexting and Cyberbullying – Defining the Line for Digitally Empowered Kids.

She said at least 60% of nine to 12-year-olds she had spoken to had been involved in sexting.

Prof Shariff says it can have wider consequences for adolescents, while girls who send an intimate images to boyfriends, who then distribute them, are the ones more likely to be blamed.