Tag: bullying

Anti-bullying strategies: Does ‘walking away’ work? [ annarbor.com, by Char Luttrell, 18/2/2011]

Girl Scout CEO Jan Barker with Alena Buczynski, Kimber Bishop-Yanke, and Maddie Rayner
Girl Scout CEO Jan Barker with Alena Buczynski, Kimber Bishop-Yanke, and Maddie Rayner

Does “walking away” from a bully work? For years well-intentioned adults have been telling kids to “ignore someone who is bullying you and he/she will get tired and stop.” Now, with reports of old-fashioned bullying and cyber-bullying in the news almost daily, some child development specialists are promoting a new approach to the age-old problem. They are counseling kids to stand up for themselves, with confident words and assertive body language.

Sure, it may be easier for teachers, school administrators and even parents to advise kids to “just walk away,” but recent news reports indicate that the problem of bullying is getting worse, not better.

That’s why Girl Scouts Heart of Michigan (GSHOM) brought Kimber Bishop-Yanke, President of Girls Empowered, to the sixth Girl Developers Summit in Kalamazoo in early February. Kimber teaches kids to use their knowledge, beliefs, connections and resources to find their own “voice,” the voice that will give them the power to stand up to bullies. She says that the momentary discomfort that children feel when first confronting a bully fades as they come to understand that they do have the power to stop hurtful comments directed at themselves and others.

Girls Empowered teaches specific language to stop bullies in their tracks. Language such as: “I don’t like what you said about me. “ (first offense) “I told you I didn’t like it when you said that about me.” (second offense) “I will have to report you.” (third offense). Of course, parents and school officials must follow up when kids do report bullies, so that all the children involved will know that unkind behavior won’t be tolerated by adults.

Through Girls Empowered workshops held with Girl Scout troops, schools, church groups and camps throughout the country, Kimber is teaching girls and boys that it is okay to confront bullies, to “Stop the Meanness; Spread the Kindness.” Through Girls Empowered, she has taken her message to 55,000 children and adults.

A second step toward building power is for children to get involved in groups that give them a chance to serve the their community, according to Kimber, who was as Girl Scout leader for six years.

“I always advise parents to get their children involved in a group, at church, school or sports,” said Kimber. “I always encourage Girl Scouting for girls.”

Joining Kimber at the summit were two Girl Scout Cadettes from Marshall, Michigan, who created an “anti-bullying week” at their middle school last spring. Maddie Rayner and Alena Buczynski wanted to honor the life of Phoebe Prince, the New England teen who ended her life after being bullied by her classmates. They wrote “Phoebe’s Pledge” and asked schoolmates and adults to sign it, promising “to not engage in gossip or bullying and to take a stand to support victims of bullying.” Alena’s and Maddie’s work earned them the Girl Scout Silver Award and coverage by People magazine and Nick News.

“Alena and Maddie are two shining examples of the courage, confidence and character that Girl Scouting builds, “ said Jan Barker, CEO of GSHOM.

Is there a bully in your life? [USA Weekend, by Madonna Behen, 6/2/2011].

What is a bully? Aggressive behavior that is intentional, repeated over time and involves an imbalance of power or strength. Bullying can take many forms, such as hitting or punching, teasing or name-calling, intimidation through gestures, social exclusion and sending or posting insulting messages or pictures by cellphone or online (also known as cyberbullying).We now know that whether it is online, in the hallway at school or even at the office, bullies are everywhere.

 

Develop a safety plan with your children, such as where they should sit on the bus.
Develop a safety plan with your children, such as where they should sit on the bus.

We see heart-wrenching stories of children and teenagers who have committed suicide after cruel bullying by peers. The painful truth is that 15% to 25% of students in the USA are bullied with some frequency, recent studies suggest. And more than one-third of the American workforce will experience some form of bullying during the course of their lives, according to the Workplace Bullying Institute.

The news has served as a painful call to action for Americans about the devastating consequences of bullying. Still, the victims — be they children or adults — often don’t seek help or even speak up. Kids, who may think it’s just part of growing up, are too afraid. Adults whose bosses are bullies can fear retribution in the form of losing their job.

“Our society is more aggressive, more warlike, more combative, while traits like empathy and compassion are downplayed,” says Gary Namie, director of the Workplace Bullying Institute in Bellingham, Wash., and coauthor of The Bully at Work.

So what exactly can you do? Here, we offer advice from the nation’s leading bullying experts on the best way to handle the problem if your child is being bullied.

Don’t overreact.

The first thing to do is sit down with your child and calmly listen to his or her story. “Don’t immediately react emotionally and try to solve the problem,” says psychiatrist Thomas Tarshis, author of Living with Peer Pressure and Bullying. “Any reaction you have will make it harder for your kid to open up to you.”

Keep a precise, specific log.

Record the date, time, circumstances and all relevant information regarding each bullying event, Tarshis recommends. Having documented episodes to describe to school staff members, teachers, administrators and police will help you be taken seriously and track the pattern of bullying behavior.

“Walk your child through the whole story so that you get a detailed run-down of exactly what happened, who else was there, and if there were any adults there, how they responded,” says psychologist Elizabeth Englander, director of the Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Center at Bridgewater State University. Plus, she says, “you also need to be prepared for the possibility that your child may be less than completely innocent.”

Consider contacting the parents first.

If your child is in elementary school and bullying occurs, Tarshis says, the problem can often be solved by having the parents and the children sit down together to discuss the incident. “Ninety percent of the time, it’s very effective to have everyone meet and talk about why the behavior is not acceptable, that it won’t be tolerated and that it will be met with severe consequences in the future.”

For older kids, contact the school.

Many students in middle or high school who are being bullied fear that contacting school authorities will make the abuse worse, but Tarshis says that’s often not the case. “In our studies, teens say that after they told, things did get better,” Englander says.

Attorney Rana Sampson, a San Diego-based policing consultant and former police officer, recommends writing a letter to the school principal.

“A letter puts the principal on notice that you are serious and that you expect the school to create a safe environment for your child to learn,” she says. In the letter, be highly specific about the instances of bullying and the harm it has caused, such as sleeplessness, lack of interest in school, crying or anxiety. Ask the principal to put in writing the steps the school will take to keep your child safe from the bully.

Take it higher.

Go up the chain of command if you feel your concerns are not taken seriously enough. “Any teacher or administrator who minimizes bullying by saying things such as ‘it’s part of growing up’ or ‘kids need to learn to deal with this’ needs to be re-educated on the devastating mental health and academic difficulties that arise from bullying,” Tarshis says.

Parents need to keep in mind that because of federal and state confidentiality laws, the school can’t tell the parents of the bullied child what action they’re going to take against someone else’s child. If the bullying continues, contact the police. Adds Tarshis, “Ultimately, some families have had to use lawyers to threaten legal action, which usually gets the school on board.”

Educate children about the Web.

You want your kid to be safe, but don’t threaten to take away his computer or monitor his Internet use. “For better or worse, electronic communication has become a set part of American teen culture, and the fear of losing their ability to communicate electronically with privacy may be more traumatic to them than dealing with the cyberbullying they experience,” Tarshis says. Instead, make sure he knows about using good passwords that other people aren’t able to guess and changing his privacy settings on social networking websites so that only friends can see his information.

 

Bullying May Accompany Drive to Be Popular [Business Week.com, by Jenifer Goodwin, 8/2/2011].

Teens who are already popular but trying to become even more so are the most likely to bully other kids, new research suggests.

The kids seem to think that antagonizing others will raise their own status in the eyes of their peers, according to the study, published in the February issue of the American Sociological Review.

Researchers asked about 3,700 students in 8th, 9th and 10th grades from three counties in North Carolina about their behavior toward others and how often they were the target of physical aggression, verbal aggression (such as teasing or threats), rumors or indirect bullying (such as ostracism). Teens were also asked how often they did this to a classmate.

The study team, which followed students over one school year, also asked kids to name their top five friends, then used that data to determine which kids were the most popular and at the center of the school’s social network.

Kids who were at the top of the social pecking order, but not at the very top, were the most likely to tease or be aggressive toward others.

“Status increases aggression,” said lead study author Robert Faris, an assistant professor of sociology at University of California, Davis. “For a long time, people perceived aggression as a maladjusted reaction to problems at home or mental health issues, but our research is consistent with the idea it’s a nasty underbelly to social hierarchies. Aggression is perceived to be a way of getting ahead.”

In fact, bullying peaked at the 98th percentile of popularity and then dropped for the most popular kids — the top 2 percent — perhaps because they no longer feel the need to put others down to improve their own status.

The average aggression rate, or the number of classmates they teased or bullied, for kids at the 98th percentile was 28 percent greater than for students at the very bottom and 40 percent greater than for students at the very top.

“Aggression could be counterproductive when you’ve reached the top,” Faris said. “It could signal insecurity with their social position. If you are at the top, you may get much more benefit from being nice.”

Kids at the very lowest end of the popularity spectrum also did little bullying, possibly because they did not have the power to even attempt it, Faris said.

Perhaps the good news is that about 67 percent of kids were not aggressive or mean toward anyone. Of the 33 percent who were, they picked on an average of about two classmates.

The maximum number of kids any one bully targeted was nine, but targeted children were picked on by as many as 17 of their classmates, the researchers found.

“Aggression can be concentrated on a few kids,” Faris said.

Girls and boys were equally as likely to bully. Kids who moved higher on the social hierarchy also increased their aggression.

So what to do about it? Rather than focus only on the bullies or their victims, programs should also include the silent majority who aren’t involved, but whose tacit support may encourage bullying. “The bystanders give people their status, and they can decide to reward aggression or scorn it,” Faris said.

Richard Gallagher, director of the Parenting Institute at New York University Child Study Center, said this research fits with prior studies linking popularity and bullying.

“Other studies have indicated that popular children are the ones more likely to get involved with teasing and sometimes bullying,” Gallagher said. “It establishes their status, and many times the kids that observe it will think that it’s deserved and justified.”

Whether such abuse actually succeeds in raising status was not measured in this study. What’s notable is that students believe it works, the authors wrote. However, they noted that the findings, which were based on 19 small-town and or rural schools, may not be replicated in other areas.

Bullying causes about 160,000 U.S. students to skip school each day, according to background information in the study. Kids who are being targeted should be taught to be assertive, but also to notify their parents and school authorities if the bullying gets out of hand, experts say.

“Parents need to recognize this is going to happen. They need to teach their kids to stand up for themselves and not be so fragile when it comes to teasing,” Gallagher said. “At the same time, we need to watch out for its excesses.”

Bullying: A Growing Trend? [The Quad News, by Christine Keener, 30/1/2011].

Photo Courtesy of technorati.com
Photo Courtesy of technorati.com

Bullying seems to be a rite of passage for the youth of this country, but until recently it hasn’t come to the forefront in the media. Why is this?

Has traditional bullying (which does not include cyber bullying) actually increased or does it just seem that way because of how lawmakers and the media are portraying the situation?

Izzy Kalman, a school psychologist, author of “A Psychological Solution to Bullying” and creator of the anti-bullying website Bullies2Buddies, said bullying is a growing problem because of society’s increased desire to target the problem.

“But the harder you try to make the problem disappear, the worse it gets, and the more time and resources you end up spending to fight it,” Kalman said. “It becomes a never-ending problem that spirals out of control.”

Now though, the government has stepped in. Various state legislatures have proposed new laws which require schools to provide anti-bullying programs, as well as policies to address the growing concern for school safety.

Jane Gross, a licensed clinical social worker and therapist in Hamden, Conn., added that bullying has always been evident.

“When you call attention to something, it increases,” Gross said. “The energy of the media is now being pulled in that direction. People are now just really talking about it.”

She also said the media is negatively affecting bullying and only increases public fear on the issue.

According to Kalman, bullying experts, anti-bullying organizations and psychological researchers are collaborating to promote public awareness, adding that a parent’s fear of bullying has surpassed their fear of drugs.

But even with new laws put in place and the media hysteria surrounding bullying, knowing the ways to stop yourself from being a victim are the key to getting out of this vicious cycle.

Gross said students should know it is not their fault if they are being bullied. She advises students to not talk back to the bully, show little emotion, and not add fuel to the fire.

“Students should report the person to whoever is in authority and reach out to friends,” Gross said. “Students should gather forces to stop this serious problem.”

Kalman said one of the best ways to handle bullying is to adopt intervention plans. Schools can teach “assertiveness training and provide good social skills lessons.”

But will the school’s intervention truly help?

“We could only hope these programs are positive,” Gross said.

Protect your child from cyber bullying [The Daily Telegraph, 27/1/2011]

. Source: The Advertiser

CYBER bullying is intentional, repeated behaviour by individuals or organisations using online technology to cause distress or humiliation to another individual or to attempt to humiliate, intimidate, control or to otherwise put that person down.

– Cyber bullying takes place by email, internet chat rooms, internet discussion groups or forums, instant messaging, sites such as Facebook, MySpace or Bebo, and mobile phone messaging, video clips and phone calls.4From the moment a child starts using a computer, parents should talk to them about online safety by reminding them that stranger danger is more prolific online than in the real world and that they have no way of knowing the age, gender or motives of people they are talking to online.

– Install anti-virus, spy ware, firewall and filters in the family computer and your child’s laptop. Free filters are available from netalert.gov.au.

– Ensure the family computer stays in an area accessible and visible to all and monitor the sites visited and take an interest in what children are doing online.

– Be alert to any changes in your child’s behaviour ie: spending more time online, a spike in mobile phone usage and bills. Encourage them to talk to you if anybody says or does anything to make them feel uncomfortable.8Regularly visit these websites: schools.nsw.edu.au/news/technology, netalert.gov.au and thinkuknow.org.au.

– If you are aware of school-related bullying, encourage your child to notify a trusted adult at school or notify the school yourself. 10If you are concerned about offensive websites, contact the Australian Communications and Media Authority (acma.gov.au). Report cyber harassment to your local police and your internet service provider or phone service provider, which can block messages or calls from certain senders. For confidential support, call the Net Alert helpline on 1800 880 176. Confidential counselling is available for children and young people from the Kids Help Line on 1800 551 800.

– Kids today spend hours online and technology has taken schoolyard bulling into the stratosphere with the added, sinister element of relative anonymity.

Internet crime on the rise in the UAE: police [gulfnews.com, by Sara Janahi, 27/1/2011]

Dubai: Police statistics reveal a 17 per cent increase in crimes involving internet bullying and verbal abuse, police sources said.

“These crimes usually take place on websites such as Facebook and Twitter and can lead to blackmail and extortion,” said Captain Rashid Ahmad Lootah, director of the General Department of electronic crimes at Dubai Police.

Police statistics showed that in 2009 there were 62 reported crimes involving internet bullying and verbal abuse. The number increased to 73 cases in the year 2010.

Police statistics also revealed a 100 per cent increase in the number of electronic crimes involving illegally providing telecommunication services or VoIP services to conduct international calls.

Christie Signs Tougher Law on Bullying in Schools [The New York Times, by Richard Perez-Pena, 6/1/2011]

New Jersey on Thursday enacted the nation’s toughest law against bullying and harassment in schools, three and a half months after the suicide of a Rutgers University student drew national attention to the issue.

The law spells out a long list of requirements, including the appointment of specific people in each school and district to run antibullying programs; the investigation of any episodes starting within a day after they occur; and training for teachers, administrators and school board members. Superintendents must make public reports twice a year detailing any episodes in each school, and each school will receive a letter grade to be posted on its Web site.

The law, which goes into effect at the start of the next school year, lists harassment, intimidation or bullying as grounds for suspension or even expulsion from school. It applies to public schools, and portions of it apply to public colleges.

A bill had been in the works since 2009, but it gained momentum last fall. It passed both houses of the Legislature on Nov. 22, with just one dissenting vote, and Gov. Chris Christie signed it into law on Thursday. The New Jersey School Boards Association endorsed the law, concluding that schools could largely carry it out with existing resources.

“This is one of the great civil rights laws in New Jersey history, and to have a fairly conservative Republican governor sign it sends a resounding signal to other states,” said Steven Goldstein, chairman and chief executive of Garden State Equality, a gay rights group, who was involved in drafting the law. “It’s also a major achievement for bipartisan governance in New Jersey.”

On Sept. 22, Tyler Clementi, a freshman at Rutgers, jumped to his death from the George Washington Bridge; three days earlier, officials have said, his roommate surreptitiously streamed video of him in an intimate encounter with another man. While it remains unclear what role the video may have played in Mr. Clementi’s suicide, news coverage of the episode gave added impetus to efforts to enact laws against bullying and harassment.

“No question, that tragedy and a string of other suicides in the fall by school kids gave it momentum,” said State Senator Barbara Buono, Democrat of Middlesex County, a prime sponsor of the bill. “The idea is just to make the climate of school one of tolerance and respect.”

Forty-five states have laws against bullying, and New Jersey has had one since 2002, including a 2007 amendment covering cyberbullying. New Jersey becomes the fifth state to adopt a new law in the past year; New York was among the others.

“Other states have bits and pieces of what this New Jersey law has, but none of them is as broad, getting to this level of detail, and requiring them, step by step, to do the right thing for students,” said Sarah Warbelow, state legislative director at the Human Rights Campaign, a national gay rights group. Many states, she said, do not even offer the protections of the 2002 New Jersey law, which made it a crime to bully or harass on the basis of race, sex, sexual and gender identity or disability.

For Many Gay Youth, Bullying Exacts a Deadly Toll [US News Health, by Randy Dotinga & E.J. Mundell, 28/10/2010].

A series of suicides involving bullied gay teens has shocked much of America this past month.

On Sept. 9, 15-year-old Billy Lucas of Greenburg, Ind., hanged himself after enduring constant taunts from bullies at school.

Two weeks later, 13-year-old Asher Brown from suburban Houston shot himself soon after revealing he was gay.

And on Sept. 27, another 13-year-old, Seth Walsh of Techachapi, Calif., died after injuries sustained from hanging himself. He too, had endured “relentless” bullying from other kids, according to The New York Times.

One more death — the Sept. 22 suicide of 18-year-old Rutgers University freshman Tyler Clementi — catapulted these and other suicides of young gay teens into the media spotlight. Clementi’s roommate, Dharun Ravi, allegedly broadcast surreptitious video footage over the Internet of Clementi in an intimate encounter with a young man. Last week, Clementi left a message on his Facebook page: “Jumping off [George Washington] bridge sorry,” and then did just that.

Cases like these are far from rare, and “this may be the tip of the iceberg,” said Dr. David Reitman, chair of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual Transgender and Questioning Special Interest Group, part of the Society for Adolescent Health and Medicine. In a statement, he said “the tragic outcome in these cases underscores the profound consequences that bullying and harassment can have on a young person.”

Of course any child, gay or straight, can become victims of bullying, as the much-publicized suicide in January of 15-year-old Phoebe Prince of South Hadley, Mass., showed all too tragically. She had withstood months of bullying from schoolmates after moving from Ireland.

But experts say adolescence renders young people especially vulnerable to harassment, and the difficulties of grappling with sexuality can complicate that further.

Columbia University psychiatry professor Dr. Jeffrey Lieberman noted that the adolescent brain is still developing and sensitive to negative feedback from peers. Teens “are very prone to take things to an extreme,” he told ABC News. “So what may be an insult or a setback to an adult, to an adolescent is the end of the world.”

Add to that the impulsive nature of youth and suicide becomes more likely. “Something happens, they’ve got to take care of it right away,” Lieberman said. “They can’t sit with it or try to work through it or not react to it.”

Despite some headway in societal acceptance of gay people generally, the bullying of gay teens remains widespread. According to a recent survey conducted by the New York-based Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network, almost nine out of every 10 gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered middle and high school students say they suffered physical or verbal bullying in 2009.

A teen’s outward aspect — seeming somewhat “feminine” if male, or “masculine” if female — can up the risk of bullying and contribute to a propensity to depression for years to come, one new study suggests.

In the study, published in the November issue of Developmental Psychology, researchers looked at data from a survey of 245 gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender young adults from the Bay Area in California. About half were Latino and about half were white; they realized their sexual orientation at an average age of 11 and reported coming out — disclosing their orientation to someone else — at the average age of 15.

The participants who reported the most bullying as children were about 2.5 times more likely as the others to be clinically depressed as young adults, the study found. About 63 percent of the most bullied kids were clinically depressed, compared to 34 percent of the least bullied.

In the big picture, the bullying of the most feminine boys and the most masculine girls — that’s the way they described themselves looking back on their childhoods — appeared to “essentially account for major differences in mental health between young gay adults,” said study co-author Stephen T. Russell, a professor at the University of Arizona.

“We didn’t realize how important the harassment was going to be,” said Russell, who is also director of the Frances McClelland Institute for Family Studies and Human Development. As the children become young adults, “it completely accounts for the differences in their mental health.”

Young people involved in the often difficult process of understanding their sexuality and coming out should know that support is out there, however.

Reacting to the Clementi tragedy, syndicated sex columnist Dan Savage, who is gay, launched the “It Gets Better” campaign in September. That YouTube site features successful gay adults from all walks of life who talk about their own experiences with bullying — and how they came through it.

Speaking on the site about his own experience, Project Runway style guru Tim Gunn relates that “as a [gay] 17-year-old youth who was in quite a bit of despair, I attempted to kill myself.” Gunn found the support he needed, however, and now urges teens facing the same fears to call The Trevor Project, a 24-hour suicide hotline for gay youth.

Experts say the best sources of support remain those closest to home, however.

“The three main groups of pivotal figures [for adolescents] are family, friends and their schoolmates,” Glenda Tesone, executive director of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community in New York City, told The New York Times. “If they’re feeling isolated and like they can’t tell those people, it’s going to be a very rough ride.”

More information

Contact the The Trevor Project to reach a 24-hour, toll free confidential suicide hotline for gay teens and those who are questioning their sexuality.

 

Littlegossip website reopens after bullying complaints [BBCRadio5Live, by Stephen Chittenden, 24/12/2010]

The site has defended itself against the accusations
The site has defended itself against the accusations

A website for young people to share gossip has been shut down and then reopened for over-18s only, following protests about cyber-bullying.

Some teachers and parents had alleged Littlegossip.com was being used as a platform for children to post personal and sexual smears against their peers.

The site now says it is for adults only but BBC News has found many schools and their pupils still using it.

Users can post gossip anonymously about people at their college or university.

Other users can then vote on whether the posts are true or false.

However, school pupils have been known to use the site.

‘Racist abuse’

One example about a named boy at a well-known boarding school says: “Please stop taking drugs the whole time, it’s not cool.”

Of a girl at the same school one user has written: “Those thunder thighs chug round school. Stop cheating on your boyfriend and sort out the acne. Not attractive.”

Many posts also contain sexual or racist abuse.

One concerned father, named only as Dave, contacted the BBC to warn other parents about the site.

“It’s cyber-bullying at its worst,” he said. “Seriously, kids are going to take their lives because of this site.”

Dave said his daughter, who attends a college in Surrey, couldn’t believe what was said about her friend.

“She was fascinated by it – but then she saw so much hate on there.”

The school involved has blocked access to the site and said it was “extremely concerned about the malicious potential of this website”.

A spokeswoman added: “We are… frustrated at the difficulties involved in taking effective action against the site itself and against individual posters who remain anonymous.”

Many other schools and organisations have condemned Littlegossip.

The National Association of Head Teachers said it harmed the lives of both teachers and pupils, and has called for it to be closed down.

Emma-Jane Cross from the charity Beatbullying said the site was worrying because “it seems to have the sole purpose of identifying and victimising vulnerable young people” – something she described as “unacceptable”.

She added: “While social networking sites are not intrinsically bad, it is vital that where incidents of bullying and harassment take place online, swift and decisive action is taken to protect our children and young people.

“In this instance, we would invite government and internet service providers to work with us and take collective responsibility to ensure websites like these are taken offline as a matter of urgency.”

Tackle bullying

But Littlegossip said it had introduced measures to fight cyber-bullying.

In an e-mail to BBC News, it said: “Users need to confirm their gossip is about an adult, doesn’t provide personal information such as phone number and is not racist and more.”

“In addition to that we took the important decision to remove all the schools from the site, even if 18 year olds study in those schools.”

The website appeared to shut down for a 24-hour period until Thursday, during which it posted a Facebook announcement that school groups would be removed.

But when it came back online, the site continued to carry sexual and racist abuse, as well as telephone numbers. Several school groups also continued to appear on its pages.

Chief executive of the Independent Schools’ Council, David Lyscom, confirmed that children could still use the site.

“Although it pretends to be for 18-year-old users only, you just click a box and you can get through to the site, he said.

“Some of our schools are still on there.”

The site has been investigated by the Child Exploitation and Online Protection Centre (Ceop), which said it had “come out of nowhere.”

A spokesman confirmed Ceop had contacted Littlegossip to advise on child protection, and he advised children not to visit the site as they were likely to see harmful content or experience cyber-bullying.

Bullying, the art of killing the human spirit [The Indiana Gazette, by Anthony Frazier, 16/12/2010].

In the news of late have been several stories about bullying and suicide. While these tragedies are often under-reported, they are painful examples of the cruel elements in human interaction.

There are a plethora of websites that deal with the issue and statistics surrounding bullying. But it’s often after a senseless incident that we are shocked back into seeing bullying as the threat that it really is.

Bullying is basically a form of intimidation or domination toward someone who is perceived as weaker. (www.bullyingstatistics.org/)

About 87 percent of students said shootings are motivated by a desire to “get back at those who have hurt them.”(www.bullyingstatistics.blogspot.com/)

But bullying is not limited to just kids in a school yard. It’s exhibited in all facets of our lives: at home, work, school, online, spectator sports, juvenile and adult correction facilities and while driving in the car — even though it’s usually not called bullying.

While there is no place safe from bullying, there are areas where bullying is worse. According to school bullying statistics and cyber bullying statistics from 2007, the five worst states for it were: 1. California, 2. New York, 3. Illinois, 4. Pennsylvania, 5, Washington (www.how-to-stop ullying.com/bully ingstatistics.html).

I remember very well the experiences in my youth of being bullied. Needless to say, I was fortunate that my experiences didn’t push me to suicide or cause me to seek retaliation.

As an adult, I see all types of disrespectful behavior toward others: name-calling, stereotyping, threatening and condescending comments both sexist and homophobic. On one hand, we can be caring and loving to each other; on the other, we can just as easily humiliate.

Bullying is about behavior and values and, to a certain extent, is culturally accepted. The observers also play a role in this scenario. We can and should break this crippling cycle.

It’s not the skinny, black, gay, odd, redhead, handicapped, fat kid or adult causing bullying to happen. It’s the hole in the bullies’ heart, where compassion and love are stored, that’s missing. That is at the root of it all. Bullying is not a spectator sport; everyone is a participant.

Let’s not wait for another memorial to gather and show our support. Take action now.

Have we forgotten the words, “I’m sorry,” and “I apologize for my actions”?